One evening in June 2008, I got an email from him at night: „I love you so much. Do you know what I am going through ? I have a whole bottle of whiskey and I am drunk. You have absolutely no fucking clue how much I miss you. Call me, now !“
I loved the drama of this scene, the theatrical aspect. A man who gets drunk because of me, who let rot his soul for weeks now, suffering like an animal. Which woman could really resist? Despite all his lies which I recently had found out I picked up the phone and called him. When he took the call I screamed at him: „You fucking goddamn bitch !“ But he just muttered, yeah, I love you. And then he rose pure. I held the receiver for 6 hours in my hand and believed every single word of his slurred. . I love you, I love you, I love you D. You are the first woman I love and I want to grow old with you. 6 hours, the same song. Later he talked about his fear to be unable to get children and swore he could also live with the fact when I would get a child from someone else. I ignored his absurd suggestion and let him just keep talking.
It was the beginning of the first end. The first end started in December 2007 on the internet platform youtube. Youtube is the most popular video platform in the world. I was registered there as well but almost never active at this time. But then, I remember my mood very well, one night I watched this Townes Van Zandt video. I had just seen the movie about Townes at the cinema and had cried in the cinemas chair. I have always loved his music and so I commented on youtube about one of his songs when I came home from the cinema. It was a weak moment and it was the way how Jakob found me. After commenting on that song I ignored youtube for months again, until in December 2007 I received an email from another youtube user . xxxfiretear wrote me:
It was the beginning of the first end. The first end started in December 2007 on the internet platform youtube. Youtube is the most popular video platform in the world. I was registered there as well but almost never active at this time. But then, I remember my mood very well, one night I watched this Townes Van Zandt video. I had just seen the movie about Townes at the cinema and had cried in the cinemas chair. I have always loved his music and so I commented on youtube about one of his songs when I came home from the cinema. It was a weak moment and it was the way how Jakob found me. After commenting on that song I ignored youtube for months again, until in December 2007 I received an email from another youtube user . xxxfiretear wrote me:
thank you
i think i am in love with all your videos.
are you on myspace? it would be a pleasure requesting you.
very best wishes
Suri.
And indeed, 5 days prior to this message I had signed up to myspace. How could he know ?
I said yes to his friend request and the other day I had a new friend on myspace. My new friend presented interesting facts on his page:
username: Suri, 38 years old, from Greece, in a relationship, smoking/drinking: yes, no children, interests: music, art, books, architecture, travelling to Japan
The music interests seemed similar to mine. But one thing irritated me a lot ! His friendlist seemed to consist of 80% women and nearly all the "comments" of these women contained slight erotic or amorous allusions. Doubts arised inside and so I decided to stay away from this friend. Somehow I had imagined myspace quite differently. More serious, more music related. I was wrong.
Gradually, I started to get used to the myspace features . I set up a profile with all necessary information and I learned how to post videos, picture comments and so on. And, despite my very cool presence, Suri kept writing me. After some hesitation from my side but purely friendly news from his hand, an easy exchange of letters started. I found out that Suri's real name was Jakob and he was very charming to talk to. It turned out that we actually had almost the same taste in music, movies and books and we even found out that we accidentally knew the same people. He told me quickly that he did not come from Greece but from Denmark. Here are some of his first messages to me, all dated 12th December 2007:
you have beautiful eyes. they're green -like mine.
Do you love Japan and especially Tokyo just like i do?
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i was writing you in the same time as you wrote me.
i listen to alot of different music. but i useally always going back to listen to Townes, Neil Young, Lou Reed, Uncle Tupelo, Gram Parson, Lucinda W....
I will send you one of my favorite songs now.
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i will try to find a picture so you can see my green eyes :)
what i love about Tokyo? Impossible to say...the first time i sat my foot on the ground i fell in love with the city..just like you did.
it is a good question you asked me..i will have to think about it and give you a better answer.
You know the music of Rainer and Howe too? You're lovely!!!!!
i know Rainer's widdow. She's such a sweet and beautiful soul.
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no, we speak on the phone.
I visited Howe Gelb this summer. He's a kind man.
i have to admit i like early giant sand better than the stuff he's doing now.
i really really appreciate your music taste.
do you have an email? we could exchange music which cant be find on youtube/myspace ?
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schweitz have Young Gods, right? any more interesting bands?
haha..i fear YOU know all what i will send to you.
where do you live in schweitz?
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i like Zürich. Been there a couple of times.
I have seen most of europe, but never for some unknown reason visited berlin.
are you feeling ok in Zürich?
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i live in cold boring denmark.
yes, i think i would like to live in berlin.
why dont you have your picture as a profile picture?
Don't be offended but you are pretty.
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After a bunch of more messages like this I didn't hear from him anymore. It was Christmas, I celebrated the festival of abundance and I slipped carelessly into the new year. In early January 2008 I went back to my myspace page and to my surprise I saw that Suris page appeared completely changed. Suri was called Ulysses now, he was single now, and he had deleted about 200 myspace friends from his page.
D.
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the lies:
what i love about Tokyo? Impossible to say...the first time i sat my foot on the ground i fell in love with the city..just like you did.
He has never been to Tokyo. He has never been to Japan.
I visited Howe Gelb this summer. He's a kind man.
Where does he know ? He doesn’t know him.
i like Zürich. Been there a couple of times.
I have seen most of europe,
He didn’t know Zürich.
Most of Europe ? Denmark, Norway, Italy, Spain are about 10 % of total Europe.
the strategies:
charme, lies & telling the things a woman wants to hear (even they might be exaggerated), constantly change of appearance, love bombing (6 hours, the same song...)
Out of a mix of greenness and curiosity I clearly ignored the red flags which have been already there in the very beginning (his page was full of red flags as the misleading profile, the disproportionate rate of female friends, the amount of inappropriate comments...).
Don't make the same mistake.
Listen to your instinct !!!!
Out of a mix of greenness and curiosity I clearly ignored the red flags which have been already there in the very beginning (his page was full of red flags as the misleading profile, the disproportionate rate of female friends, the amount of inappropriate comments...).
Don't make the same mistake.
Listen to your instinct !!!!
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