january 2008

After the christmas break we started to write each other again. Messages went back and forth, he was still the charming writer as he was as Suri and our writing begun slowly to circle around more private subjects. I started to develop an interest for him and after a while we started to exchange the stories of our life. He got mine, I got his:


“I was raised in a wealthy family. I was the youngest out of four brothers. They were a lot older than me, a lot more straight and amied at success.  (....)  Anyway, when i was 15 years old i met a much older woman one night outside a bar and i simply from one night to another moved in with her. It was complicated. She had a drug addiction and at the age of 15 there's not much one can do with such problems. My parents didnt care where i lived and i quickly stopped visiting them. (...) I stay with my girlfriend for three years then we broke up. We swore we never would loose track of eqach other. I was drifting around..didnt care to take an education. All i had was a bag and a sack filled with books i loved (Joyce, Kipling, Hesse, Rilke..stuff like that). I hitch-hiked through europe and ended in barcelona where i met a spanish girl. i stayed with her for two years then i was on the road again. I ended in Firenze where i spent one year living with another girl. Then i decided it was time to go back to denmark where i come from. I slowly began working with myself, found a sweet and caring woman who loved me for what i was and not for what i could become. She worked as a lawyer. We decided we want to have a love child. (....) One day she got pregnant. It was all happiness and joy. Her pregnancy was the best time in my life. We gave our daughter the name B. My happiness lasted less than 24 hours. The next night they called from the hospital and told me i had to come right away. B. was very very sick. That's all they wanted to tell me in the phone. I drove to the hospital as fast as i could and then the doctors came and told me she was at the intensive care unit and that she was suffering from so many heartfailures that they didnt have a name for it. (....)  B. went through two major operations. The last one was too much for her. She died. It was also the end of my relationship with her mother. Love had died..(....)

SHORTLY after B.'s death i began to go to therapy. It was very painful but it slowly made me began to feel life and to live again. I had to break everything down in order to built up a new life. The pain about (....) and the pain of losing the most precious thing i had ever had, B.. Slowly i began to work again, to go out and to be more open about my feelings (dont think i ran around telling people about my feelings..it was more like, i was open and clear to myself). After living alone, without any love and without any sex, for more than two years i met a norvegian girl. I moved to Norway and stayed with her for five years. (....) Then i began to feel sick. Really sick but since my girlfriend had a fobia against hospital she more or less forbid me to go to the hospital to be checked. I lost 21 kg in 4 months. (....)So i was in the hospital for 6 month..getting chemo therapy. It was not a nice time. But i survived. And today i have a good health although i should work out more than i do. I am getting a bit lazy these days.

I can't say i have had a bad life so far..i have been fortunate enough to have been able to travel alot, i have some few good friends and i have a positive attitude towards life. And i am hopelessly naive and always thinking people will do me good and wont hurt me.

much much more later...with some good memories this time.

yours

Jakob.

It was not so much pity I felt for him when I read his story that day as it was more an overwhelming feeling of the inherent amount of strength I admired about him. How much power and strength must one have not to feel broken after all what happend...were the kind of thoughts runnning through my mind. I bought the story and kept writing more insights about my life which he answered with more sensitive words as I ever had expected:

Dear D.

Reading your mail again, i realize we in a way shared the same concerns..and fears writing part of our story. It's essential for you to tell me that your life hasn't been all bad and thay you still like and enjoy life. I had the same feeling when i wrote to you: the last thing i wanted you to think was that i have had a hard or nad life, that i wasn't capable of enjoying life. Apparantly we bith are which is of course good for both of us.

Yes, it would have been better sitting in small cafe and talk, but this is -as you said- not an option. you wrote i am "not your preacher nor your friend, not even virtual...but you are" and i understand what you mean. Maybe you and i just are! I dont have any needs to try figure out what you exactly are. It isn't significant. What's important is that you and i are able to communicate, able to trust each other and show each other fragments of our lives or thoughts. 

(..............)

. I worked in a mental hospital for some years..it was the hardest job i have ever had. The things i saw there i will never forget. i have nothing against psychiatrists, psychologists or medication, but i have rage against people being treated badly when they can't defend themselves. I had so many conflicts with my colleges and my bosses that i in the end couldnt go on defending working there.

(...............)

You have travel alot, haven't you? i used to spent all my money on books and travelling (and whiskey). I have travelled all over europe many times but only one time have i been outside europe: Japan. I had a japanese girlfriend and since i am completely fascinated in japanese culture it was a perfect match visiting japan. I want to travel again when i have the chance to do so. i would like to see New York one time.

I like to cook, drink, dance, travel, listening to music, see old black/white movies, read, write on my old non-electric typewriter...i enjoy women, conversations, discussions, going to concerts, really expensive italian redwine, going to zoo's, touching all kinds of animals, playing with kids, art, architecture and recieving old fashioned handwritten letters..

And YES PLEASE! Keep writing...all you want. messages, comments...everything is fine.

much much more later.

I hope you'll have a nice and peaceful day.

yours

jakob. 

Now, with distance, experience and knowledge those messages seem to be written from a Romeos hand, but back then I felt that every word he is writing was true and meant to be true. How wrong I was !

D.

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the lies:

I was raised in a wealthy family. I was the youngest out of four brothers. 

They were a lot older than me, 

The wealthy family never supported him financially, therefor I doubt that strongly.

He is not the youngest. He has a twin brother in (of course) the same age.

I hitch-hiked through europe and ended in barcelona where i met a spanish girl. i stayed with her for two years then i was on the road again.

This is not a lie yet but he will make a lie out of this story later !

The last one was too much for her. She died.

His daughter did NOT die. His daughter B. is alive.  She is 14 years old and lives with her mother in Denmark. 

This is probably the most devilish lie he ever told. How can someone lie and deny the own child in such a horrible way ?

SHORTLY after B.'s death i began to go to therapy. It was very painful but it slowly made me began to feel life and to live again.

Every therapy he started he broke up very fast and it never worked !

and the pain of losing the most precious thing i had ever had, B.. 

He is using several times his daughter !!!!

i was open and clear to myself

Really ?

After living alone, without any love and without any sex, for more than two years i met a norvegian girl. 

He did not live alone for more than two years. He went directly from the relationship with B.s mother into the next relationship and moved to Norway.

but since my girlfriend had a fobia

The girlfriend was actually his wife !

she more or less forbid me to go to the hospital to be checked.

Really ? I don't believe that someone forbids an obviously sick person to see a doctor. 

 i should work out more than i do.

He never made workout.

 i have some few good friends and i have a positive attitude towards life. 

The only real friend (not virtual) told me later that he actually never counted Jakob to his friends. Without being cynical I really wish he had a positive attitude towards life.  But the list of his negative actions tells unfortunately another story.

always thinking people will do me good and wont hurt me

Many people have been good to him.  And everyone who was good to him got abused.


the last thing i wanted you to think was that i have had a hard or nad life


Wrong. This is exactly what he wants. To make you feel sorry for him.


What's important is that you and i are able to communicate, able to trust each other


Indeed "each other" is the key word in a relationship but a relationship with Jakob is not equal. One side gives (you !), one side takes (him !). 
You cannot trust him.

I worked in a mental hospital for some years.

He worked exactly 3 months in a hospital as nightwatch.

but only one time have i been outside europe: Japan. I had a japanese girlfriend and since i am completely fascinated in japanese culture it was a perfect match visiting japan. 

He has never been to Japan. He never had a japanese girlfriend.

conversations, discussions

Try to go 10 inch deeper into a discusssion with him and you will find nothing. I tried many times to discuss books, art, politics etc. with him. It just didn't work. I got quotes, pictures or stolen words but I never got his own opinion about things.

The lies he is spreading appear  honest in the written context (don't they ?) and he is very  versatile with words. They are convincing and do work effective.

Remember that a sociopath is a master in the "art" of manipulation and even able to pass a lie detector test !