Januar 02, 2011

november 2010

Jakob is good and versed with all facets of deception. The obvious and the not so obvious. Threads, insults, arrogance and any other sort of negative behaviour are manipulation strategies which are easy to diagnose. It is not so obvious when he manipulates from the other side and appeals to your logic, belief and heart. But nevertheless he aims for the same: to control his game and to reach his desired effect.

Clearly he realized that I am a problem for him now since I did not stop confronting him with his outstanding duties and kept writing public reminders. He knows best that I know the real stories and the real background of them. Additionally he realized that I have changed. So he takes off his bad mask and suddenly he changes the strategy and turns from Saulus to Paulus. Out of the blue I receive some eMails with very touching excuses and astonishing reflections. Here are some of them written between 11 and 19th november. I have marked his most obvious manipulation manoeuvers since they show best the contrast to the messages he wrote to others in the same time.

"Too tired to write you last night. Just smoked a joint and drank some gin-tonics. Sat at you tube for a while and then i realize that i could not write you without it would be pathetic. 
This morning i am ok and more clear in my head. So i write you.
D, I never spoke/read about how you must have felt..the betrayal you must have felt, the sorrow, the anger after all what you did for me. Don't think i just neglected it. I didn't. I was just not man enough to face the facts.
You did everything for me, hell you even tried to (...), you paid everything, you gave me your heart, your soul and i trashed it. You trusted in me and you must have felt destroyed when the truth came out. That i had betrayed your trust. I imagine you must have felt humiliated. Maybe i would have reacted the same way as you did in your position. I can understand but one year ago i couldn't. Often i have been thinking about how i transformed a soft and truely gentle soul into something that neither of us would recognize two years ago. But i must tell you that you are not lost. The fact that you try to establish some sort of communication (to get the things back, to get your money)..it gives me hope that you still deep inside have the heart you had back then. I never asked you about the last year, how it was for you. But i would like to know.  I think it is time i face the fact and realize what i did to you. So if you one day have time and feel ok to tell me i think i would be good for me to know. We both know it will hurt a lot to read your words but maybe it would be good for you too to put words on what happened with you. To let me face the facts and for you to write about your pain, hurt and anger.

How can i ever say "sorry" to you ? I dont ask for forgiveness or for you to forget what happened but i need to find a way to let you know how much wrong i was, and how i so much need to tell you how sorry i am for all my lies. Writing these messages is not enough..maybe it is a little step in the direction of establish a communication which sooner or later can lead me to what is so much on my heart: to tell you how much i hurted you and how sorry i am for breaking a truely good woman. 

You should know that i'm not trying to sweet-talk you back, D. No matter how much I love you i know what i did never can be justified or ignored.

I just wish i had met you now and not and not back then.

Will it be ok if i send you more mails ? I have to write in small portions because if i don't i will be carried away and that is not what we want or what you need.


To find out why i abused you -and our love- i think i have to look closer at the interaction between my low selfesteem and the fact that i put you up upon a piedestal. Mix those two things together and put in a childish egoistic man...i guess it's a recipe of disaster. No relationship can bare one of the persons being a god or goddess. I know you never wanted it. How you just wanted an equal relationship. And i was unable to step up to be a man..i more and more turned into a spoiled little boy who had so much anger inside because you lived the life i so much wanted to have to. I think i came to envy you. I remember that night where i killed what was left of our innocence, the night i went violent. It is now clear to me why i got drunk and went crazy. You were visiting (...) and i was at home, totally frustrated, totally angry because i clearly felt we were drifting away, that our love would not last forever. What i did can never be excused but what i can do is to try to find answers because no matter how far away i am from your heart today, i still think you need some answers too. On top of my envy, my jealousy, my childish behavoir i think i can put in a another component: sex. I always felt i was inadequate. It was strictly my failure to think like this but i did. This feeling played a part too.

Writing you those things the last couple of days is part a shitty feeling but also very very important because no matter how much it hurts it also give me a feeling that i can breathe a bit more easy now. I know the longing is there again but that i have to deal with and do my best not to speak about it too much in my mails to you.

It is my hope that you somehow can benefit a bit from my writing as well.
The mails to you is not for my sake. But it was a surprising experience to feel that it helped me writing you. In one way it is unfair because if anyone should benefit from our communication it should be you. You were the one who got abused. You were the one who got betrayed. 

I don't believe in angels anymore. I believe in equal relationships.
I wish i had that knowledge back then.


"I tried calling you but no reply. I accept that.
Just know i never would try to hurt you again.
I loved you, I love you and i always will. That's your ace. Forever.
But don't think i need to know how thick your skin is. I will only hurt me.

here is another danish sentence: Du var en smuk drøm. Jeg vil altid elske dig. Og jeg håber vi èn dag...
Sleep well, D."

Look at these messages ! Aren't they warmhearted ? Aren't they mindful ? Aren't they honest ? Aren't they made good ? And more astonishing I even get a parcel with my things included ! I am confused since I never experienced any reliability from Jakob before ! As I am surprised enough and just happy to have my belongings back I allow him to continue writing to me. And he pretends to open the books about his lies and corrects his initial lies. I have marked the most important corrections and still, it is just the thousandst version of a story and many things he writes are still lies. 
I will try to do my best to recall all my stories, half-lies and blatant lies. It makes me nervous to think of your reaction but you have the damn right to know. (...) I think the best thing i can do for us is NOT to speak about my hopes but concentrate on putting the pieces together, finishing the puzzle, so you are not anymore in doubt of what really was truth or lies in our relationship. So i literally speaking take a deep breath and jump in this deep black hole..

I think one of the first questions you will have is: What was the truth about your daughters death? It is like so many other things half lie half true. Yes i had a spanish girlfriend back then. Yes she carried our baby inside of her. In seventh month she lost it. It is true we had her name already planned: B. Years later when I became father we gave her the name B. My daughters mother never knew this story and in one way it is fucking unfair but knowing her as a very kind woman i think she would have accepted the fact. And by fate, she was the one who came up with the name. Maybe i should have told her but i choose not to. So why did I lie ? How could i ever create such a horrible story ? I mixed the two episodes into one (it is true that B wasn't expected to live, that she had heart operations and the first year she was hospitalized 267 days and it is true that her mother was hospitalized..all this while i was under my education)..but to answer my own question: WHY ? I needed so much sympathy, empathy, understanding..i needed a good womans touch and idiot as i was, i thought no one would ever care for me if i told my story straight as it was. Thinking back to myspace/youtube era, i now realize that i was not in a too good mental shape. And when i finally met true love i didnt have the balls to tell the truth. And it is stupid because i know you would have goddam understood. My fault, my loss, my fuck-up. If it any comfort to you you should know that it will always be one of the darkest spots in my soul. No excuse for that one. I did what i did and i have to face it and today i do by writing you these words.

What was the truth about (his ex-wife): I think i told you the truth but i left out one thing. After the cancer i broke down and she offered me to live in her mothers flat (to keep an eye on me because i was still pretty sick and weak). It was nice of her. I thought she had changed after i split and seeked help in Denmark (hospital). Then she asked me late december if i could come and spent the christmas with her and (...). I said yes because i was pretty fed up with living with her mother. She asked me to stay..as friends. It sounded like a good idea. The she turned into the same norvegian monster as she was back then. I didnt dare to tell you that i lived there on her mercy..that is where (...) came into the picture. I am shaking writing all those words to you. I feel so ashamed and sad. Not only because i am a liar but more than anything else because the woman who really loved me: she would have understood the truth. I know that today. I knew it back then too. I was just too fucking scared and tangled up in my own lie.

About the work. Yes i spoke to this guy on the phone and he was actually very interested. But he backed out..and so did I !!!  I don't know what i was thinking of back then. Clearly i couldn't live forever on your money. It was clear for me from the start. And i didnt want that either. But i was scared to get a job which i might not be able to handle. Today things are different. And it helps us squat. I fucked up, abused you, broke what was magic (and Lord knows we were magic at our best)...and the saddest thing about this story is that you would have understood my past if i had been honest and then i probably would have the recourse to get a real fullfilling life with you..on equal terms. Meaning i would have a job, more self-esteem, more self-confident.

I dont know how you say to all this. I think i in your position would have said: fuck you ! 
Maybe i lose the connection to you because of these things i wrote but then i know that at least i was honest in the end.

I don't tell you that i love you or I miss you or I was so so happy to hear your voice because it will brings us nowhere...Just know i tried this time to be honest and real.


His anxiety about the job was obvious always bigger than the need to have that equal relationship he is talking about. No, forget it, it is a lie ! He never cared about to get a job and he was not scared. He was lazy and selfish. Also he is not honest and real in that message either. This message is another scam and just the intelligent version of Jakobs masks because he mixes lies, truths, excusions, blames into one. It is everything but honest and real.
My spanish girlfriend was named (...) (that was her real name)
B's heart had so many failures but one of them was called: Steno-Fallot..and on top of it she had VSD and ASD ..and a lot of other names i cant remeber...you can check it out on wikipedia..i guess it is mentioned there.
After speaking to you i know i can trust you.

Keep asking !


From his ex real friend from denmark who I was/am in contact with I know the name of his daughters disease. It is different from everything what Jakob is mentioning in this message. 

"B. is born in 08.10 98.
I left school after 1 and a half year at the gymnasium.
After school i was I sewed dresses and other things. Then i worked with teenage troubled kids. Then i worked in a bar/hotel, Then i worked at a computer education company (teaching)..and..and..
I share a house in Ärhus. The colours on my wall was correct...so was my books. But i left to be taken care of by  (...)s mother. It was a huge mistake.
I had a red cat called Ulrike yes. She gave birth to six small kittens."

Lies or truth ? Or both ?

A couple of days later I remind him on the first rate of money he promised to pay me back as well since I realize that he is flirting and doesn't watch the line as I have demanded from him. He even makes me talk to him on the phone again and I don't like it. His voice sound wrong and what he says are inappropriate things which have nothing to do with my real life. The moment I ask for more reality (here: the money issue) he backs off in his usual way:

"About the money: This month is impossible. Totally. It was my first salery and i had to give some people money back. Next month i can send you money back but not so much. It is december and i earn under 1000 euro a month. I do my best to pay all i can until i get a better job. I seriously hope it will not upset you."

It was not his first salary as I find out later. But "under 300 euro" a month would have been more correct. Therefore he had no possibility to ever pay something. To give the impression that he would anyway and to lie about it because he lost sense for reality is not ok. It is manipulation.

After that message I know he will never change and that he is still the same character as he always was. I am glad to be confirmed. I decide to finish the episode now since I have the things and that's alright. I disconnect him from everything again and that's it. I thought. Another couple of days later, it is end of november, I get a message from a woman via facebook. She writes that she was the one who has sent the package and that Jakob told her to send it without correct senders address. Since she felt bad about it she wanted to excuse. We decide to talk and what we find out is just another chapter of Jakobs book of lies & games. Jakob told me in the first messages of november that he had "a short affair" in summer for about three weeks which he broke up. Now, she tells me that she is his current girlfriend since may/june and they never broke up anything. But she does then. And so it goes on. I bring the bad news to her and she tells me that he meanwhile made a sort of a monster out of me as he did with his ex-wife. He used the same lies, just replaced the name. I would have destroyed his life, would have financially ruined him etc. etc. He even tells people he worked in "my" company. Too funny.

Here are some eMails Jakob wrote to her. Please compare them with the messages he wrote to me.

"Am 28.10.2010 09:10, schrieb Jakob Maltese:
> Thanks darling.
> Yes i saw a message from (...) this morning...about the same shit.
> What the hell, D (my ex) wrote people i had killed my daughter !!
> You know what ? I dont care about this crazy internet anymore. People 
> can write all the shit they want to..i am not gonna react.
> It just makes me think how people sometimes doesnt have any decency.
> I love you, M."

I never wrote to anyone that Jakob had killed his daughter. I asked "if he is still telling people that his daughter died ?" This is different from what he makes out of it and the truth. Next old strategy: make your "enemy" look like she is crazy. And at the end of the message Jakob judges about decency.  Well...

And I was right with my assumption because when I am in contact with his current girlfriend (now also ex !) she tells me that Jakob meanwhile even have invented a third daughter !!!! read this message which Jakob wrote to her:

"10. Juni 
So sorry for the late reply.  So sorry for the the "missing comment" on my page. I deleted it bacause i dont want people to know where i am going to or do. I am back in the little german village again.Copenhagen was sad. Too many memories about Alma (my daughter). I dont feel like i want to speak to anyone today. I know it is not fair to you. But i just feel like escaping into the internet, watching music videos..forgetting my bad conscience for not calling you, forgetting Copenhagen and the life which seems to always fuck up all my plans. I miss you, i want to cry at your shoulder. I want to hold you close and just cry with you. And i am scared about you and i. Scared that you when you meet me will regeret. So many feelings for you... Jakob."
He has no daughther named Alma to my knowledge. And the daughter he has does not live in Copenhagen.

-------- Original-Nachricht --------
Betreff:Re: :-D
Datum:Thu, 4 Nov 2010 12:14:41 +0100
Von:Jakob Maltese 
You are so sweet, my darling. Thank you for sending the parcel to my fucked up ex
I take a mozarella-salat, Tagliatelle Tonno and a Tiramisu.
A bottle of Tignanello would do wonders...or maybe two bottles.
I love my new address at the pizza service cologne :-)
And much more: I love you. J.
The fucked up ex is me.  Just read the messages he wrote to me again further above. The meaning of them are completely different and it is now very obvious what he tries to reach and how he does it. He just want one thing: to separate me from his new targets. And so he twists the words as he exactly needs them. But, and that is important, it is only transparent since the whole (!!) picture is available ! Therefore again: Listen to people !! 
So it's true. Jakob has not changed. And he never will. It's just the way it is.
prognosis for sociopaths:
Look at the internet, read books and you will always find the same answer:
A sociopath can not be healed ! It's sad but true. They will never change. Never.
They have no heart, no empathy, no dignity and a
ll they will give you are lies. 
Jakob will NEVER change !
So don't get sentimental on him, don't feel pity for him, don't try to help him and don't try to compete with him. You can't win !
Cut your losses & Get out !

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