november 2008

Myspace is not the real world. It is a virtual world in which your value is measured by the place in a toplist or the number of friends you have. Those things are, different from the real world, easy to reach in the virtual cosmos because the next friend is just a click away. But friends have a different meaning in the virtual world. They don't come to you when you need a hand on your shoulder to comfort you but they can deliver the illusion of it. By words or by voice. Though, there is always a local distance between virtual friends. The same way as the most friends are halfreal the attention you get out of it is too. It doesnt mean anything when you have hundreds of myspace friends which you never met or never even talked to and brings noone anywhere. But of course there are the lucky cases when people find each other over the internet and it turns out to be the big love or the friendship of the century. In general virtual relations of any kind develop pretty fast since the internet creates a more intimate atmosphere as a meeting in a cafe could do. Words are the initial key to people on internet platforms or chatrooms. What changes the focus to inner values instead to the famous first impression in real life. The other advantage is the possibility just to close a profile and vanish when things go wrong.  Who knows if the username was the real name ? Who knows if the profile picture is true ? It's on everyone how to use myspace or other internet platforms . They can be used in a good way but they also can easily misused for cheats and frauds and whatever. Jakob uses the internet platforms very clever to his favour and always for the same reasons: to approach people, especially to approach women and to play with them in order to gain satisfaction out of his intrigues. I assume it is a way for him to feel power and get attention. Something he doesn't have in reality. The games he plays in the internet are safe for him because he is too far away located from his victims to be in real danger when he is caught in trouble. He always has several affairs at the same time ongoing and they all follow the same scheme:  making feel women fall in love with him, using them for virtual sex, telling every affair the same: that she is the only one and all others don't mean anything to him. Of course that is wrong but effective since most of us are flattered when someone makes us feel special. Sooner or later everyone realizes that something is wrong with Jakobs stories. Or that he has several other virtual affairs. That's the point when either the affairs step back and then Jakob just deletes the "friend" or the affair is already too much caught in his manipulation and Jakob keeps going the game with her and drives her slowly nuts with always the same lame lies and deceptions. Jakob might be an internet hero but in reality he is a very insecure person with selfish needs who runs away from every responsibilty. He can just not compete with his virtual image.  Reality checks are too challenging for him and therefor it is no wonder that he prefers the safe  and cosy realms of the internet.


When we go back on myspace in november he promises me to use it only for having a bit fun with me and to provoke some friends from the myspace past. I don't mind and it's kind of fun for a while. But once he is back he seems to get lost in it again. Its too much time he spends there and it distracts him from the important things. Whenever I come home he sits in front of the computer doing myspace or youtube. It seems he does it all day. His complete careless ignorance of reality is not only disturbing anymore. He not even take attempts to get real. When I talk to him about it he just ignores it as well and provokes me with sarcastic remarks instead until I lose it and break up the talk or yell at him. I get really annoyed because I finally want him to find a job. It is important for several reasons. Not only that I want him to have a real social life it is also an economical question and a matter of respect. Who is he that he sits around all day doing nothing and get served ? What about the equalness we agreed on ? What about his part ? I don't know what he has expected but money doesn't fall from heaven, I need to work hard for it and one salary for two persons in expensive switzerland is not enough. When I ask him if he knows what I earn each month he says: I don't want to know. Fact is, I lose money every month and so it becomes more and more a necessarity that I need also his economical support. The laws in switzerland are very strict. Without work you are not entitled to receive financial help from the governemt nor are you actually entitled to stay in the country. Which means Jakob urgently needs work. So he starts to tell me every day when I come home from my work that he applied to several companies and that some of them have replied and are about to invite him to a job interview. He prefers to apply to IT companies since this is what he can do best and what he has worked in the past with, he says. That are great news and so it goes the entire month. Beyond the discussions and problems which are feeded from his temper there are surely the good things too. It's the good stories we have together and the exciting moments what makes it hard to let him go. One day we decide that we want to let us make a tattoo. Since months he is telling me that he wants so badly to wear my signature on his arm or the fish I once used as profile picture. In the end we agree that we will wear each others handwritten first letter of our first names between the fingers of our left hand as sign of our love and as a promise. So, we get an appointment for january. 
D.
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Strategies of Jakob in the internet:
- often contacts people by talking about music (Lou Reed, Nick Cave, Steve Earle, Rainer, Green On Red, Son Volt, 16 Horsepower, Madrugada, Sophia, Ramones,....that kind of stuff)
- posting music videos with secretly hints (lyrics)
- posting movie videos with secretly hints (movie scenes with special content)
- writing love poems (A. Akhmatova, P. Neruda ...)
- makes clever comments
- appears adventurous
- flattering people
- later love bombing
- always charming and funny in the beginning (compliments)
- makes people feel pity about him (lies about the death of his daughter, giving a pityful picture about his sickness, talking about a bad childhood)
- gives impression of an adventurous life
- sends very fast sex driven messages (explicit sexual fantasies)
- asks for phone conversation very fast 
- asks for eMail adresses very fast as well
- closes his current profiles spontaneous when his games are causing too much trouble for him 
- opens easily and fast new profiles, and invites the "good" player from old games again to the new profiles. the "bad" player (means: those who can see through his games) are out.


See also chapter "pseudonyms & aliases". All listed profiles are currently closed to my knowledge. But there will be new ones. Watch out !


other computer related:
Jakob has set up probably a bunch of eMail addresses as he did in the past. He uses them mainly to create new profiles. 
He will clearly use the internet behind your back for his needs. (cheats, games, pornos etc.)
He will try to hide his internet activities and erase all traces.
He will also try to keep you away from his saved data files and protect all his savings with passwords even those he declares as harmless. It's everyones right to do so. Just in the context with the knowledge about his lies and behaviour it creates another area of mistrust.
In contrary he will demand openess from you and will try to control your computer activities wherever he can. If you don't agree he will accuse you of internet abuse.